I have the most ridiculous of fears. A select few know of my discomfort, though I truly doubt they comprehend that each and every day I must face this fear and overcome it simply so I can take care of what everyone I know considers to be a regular routine. It’s not a fear of spiders, snakes, or enclosed spaces.It’s not even the fear of stuff being out of place, germs, or strangers. I have a fear of bathrooms.
These 5 paragraphs are not a story, this is my daily life. I could not tell you the exact moment I began being fearful in bathrooms, but I can look back and see it started when I lived beachside. Pretty sure I was a young teenager. It is also when my nightmares began, and if I examine them in the light of day, there is always a bathroom. It’s also always the bathroom from beachside in those awful dreams.
It is not something I enjoy admitting to. In fact, I find it rather embarrassing. While I’ve had some joke and say “I fear gas station bathrooms!” they do not fully comprehend the struggle. It’s not just bathrooms at the gas station. Or public bathrooms. It is not the discomfort of evacuating my bowels at someone’s home. It is every single bathroom I have even been in, including the ones at my house.
Over the years the dreams finally faded to almost nothing. This was not a quick thing and I could not tell you what it was that helped me stop experiencing them. It’s as much a mystery to me as to why bathrooms are a source of anxiety for me. Thankfully, my fears have gone down along with the fading of those terrifying nightmares. While I could never willingly linger in a bathroom no matter what, I’m not usually grappling with the feeling I am about to be hurt badly and I must get out fast as I can.
So, laugh if you will. Go ahead and think it’s weird and/or crazy. It’s what I deal with every day of my life. I know I am not the only one with a struggle that makes no sense on the surface. I am hoping that by my putting this out there, someone else will find…you are not alone. You are not the only one living with a fear they can not really explain away.
Until the next one,